MOXIE Thoughts

2017 – The Story Thus Far

Yaaas, good people of the world, rejoice! It’s August 2017 and we are all still in one piece. The world is still intact and the nuclear codes seem to be stashed as far away as possible from U.S. President Donald Trump. I’ll be honest, I spent New Year’s Day indoors, under a blanket, switching between all the news channels available to me, watching and waiting for the end of the world. I mean 2016 was hellish, but now we had the inauguration of a crazy racist, misogynist with creepily orange skin, to the highest office in the world and there was no one who could stop it. The inauguration came and went and the world seemed pretty similar, except it seemed the new Prez couldn’t tell the difference between fact and fiction and so began the world wind of lies that is the Trump Administration.

His Lip’s Do Lie

One thing 2017 has proven is that President Donald Trump has no sense of what’s real and what’s fake. In fact, right after he was inaugurated he became the world’s biggest troll. Media outlets harped on the fact that Trump’s inauguration crowd numbers weren’t that great, and definitely less than Obama’s in 2009 and 2013. But not according to Trump. No sir, Captain Orange went on a full on bizarro campaign where he had all his officials touting that he did indeed have the largest inauguration crowd. Uh, but you didn’t okay. Look at the evidence:

The man had his poor press secretary out there lying his ass off while sweating like a kid whose stolen some chalk and shoved it up his arse. And it turns out, this was just the beginning of all the lies. The Trump administration is currently dogged with a string of allegations that they colluded with the Russians to ensure his victory in last years election. The current furore focuses on his son and son-in-law, who both had a meeting with a Russian spy, who supposedly had dirt on his then opponent, Hilary Clinton. Who knows what the truth is – but one thing we know for sure, Donald Trump is a nut.

Salt- Bae

Memes may be my favourite invention after sliced bread and flushing toilets. No joke, they can lift anyone out of the worst depths of despair and 2017 has given us some of the meme-games finest. Just look at this very exotic looking male giving “pouring salt” a whole new meaning.

Worst-Own Goal in History

And the award for “kicking ones self in the foot” goes to British Prime Minister, Theresa May. The leather-pants wearing Tory leader was awfully confident when calling for a snap general election, even though she’d said otherwise on numerous occasions. See, May thought the Tories were in a great place politically and overestimated the failed state of affairs over at Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour and decided that she’d like to prove just how much the British people loved her. Well, she was really mistaken because it turns out the Brit’s aren’t really fans of the PM or the Tories right now and she went on to lose her parties majority in the House of Commons. She’s now had to sign a deal with Northern Irish Party, the DUP, who hate gay marriage and won’t allow women to make their own choices about their bodies. Nice one Theresa.

And in national news:

Our very own Prez, Jacob Zuma, has had quite a disastrous year, even for him. It all started when he fired Finance Minister Pravin Gordhan and replaced him with an egg-shell glasses wearing Musi Gigama who’s dressed by his wife. The Rand spun out into a frenzy and our credit status was downgraded by two credit agencies. All of this led to a mass-Anti-Zuma wave with two huge marches organised to get the President to stand down. Of course, this is J-Z we’re talking about and he knows he’s done much worst, so people can just sit the fuck down. However, the pressure on the Prez has not been alleviated and he will be facing a Vote of No Confidence in Parliament later this month. He may have reason to be just a lil nervous this time as ANC MPs have been told by the Constitutional Court that they can vote anonymously. Will we be saying bye bye Jacob? I highly doubt it, but it’d make for some really epic news wouldn’t it?

An attempted “coup”.

Oh and then there was that attempted “coup”.  Yes, that’s right – if we are to believe all the media reports – a 23-year old male was arrested for plotting to assassinate prominent South Africans, including government officials – and they’ve dubbed it a “coup”. Now, I’m sorry, but unless the dictionary definition of coup has changed, this revelation from the Hawks is definitely not one. Don’t believe me? Okay, let’s take a step back and start with basic definitions. The term coup is short for coup d’état, which is defined as: a sudden and decisive action in politics, especially one resulting in a change of government illegally or by force. Synonyms include; overthrow, rebellion, revolution, uprising. Hmmm, unless we missed something it just seems like this was a young kid who had a kill-list and it was found. I mean, if President Zuma ended up in someone teenage girls ‘BurnBook’ (yes, like the one from Mean Girls) would that be labeled a coup? Even to label this an “attempted coup” is ridiculous. There is no evidence proving that this individual was helped or propped up by anyone of governmental significance.  Why the South African media chose to lead with coup is beyond me. Perhaps they wanted the story to gain traction, perhaps it was a government spokesperson themselves, who sent out a press release to cause genuine panic or concern for our dearest executive, I don’t know. What I do know is this, – fake news is real!

Norma Gigama Needs a Reality Show

By far the best part of Musi Gigama becoming Finance Minister was the resulting eNCA interview with his wife, Norma. The charismatic First Lady of Finance wanted it to be known that she wasn’t just a glam wife. No, no the IT Executive and philanthropist makes her own money and when she’s not busy tending to her own career she also helps her husbands. Norma spectacularly lets it be known that not only does she choose the clothes Malusi wears, she even helps him in his job. “I felt like I was working at Home Affairs because every day I was doing people’s passports and everything… “ – I don’t think we have to look very hard to find out the reason for the Gupta’s citizenship am I right?

And in Entertainment …

Beyonce got us slayin in the spirit

Beyonce had us slayin in the spirit so much this year and it’s only August. First, she let the world know she was preggers with twins in a stunning photo shoot, which she shared via Instagram. Then she served us with one of the most incredible Grammy performances of all time! And then, she shared a photo of her lil twin babies who she’s named Sir Carter and Rumi! Seriously, I don’t think I can handle anymore Bey blessings this year.

Okay, 2017 -so far, so not terribly great – but seems like we’ll make it through.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *