Having safe sex is a real thing. However, many womxn who have sex with womxn (WSW) do not engage properly with safe sex things. We know that the majority of sexual health education is heteronormative (as is everything, amirite?) so we felt it was necessary to have these conversations.
As HOLAA! have been running a project that deals with safe sex and pleasure and even have a manual and workbook for hosting workshops on it. Yup, a safe sex and pleasure manual.
We have also been running some workshops in places like Johburg, Botswana, Kenya and Namibia called #PleaseHer. We’re looking to take this knowledge and engage in conversations all over African,
One of the things in it is a piece on having Hot Safe Lesbian Sex, written by a brilliant womxn named Lady Mango.
Tip No 1. Be prepared and make it sexy. In any sexual relationship you need to be able to trust your sexual partner enough, even on a one-night stand, to ask your partner to respect each other’s health and to agree to use the necessary precautions. Sex is great, but no need for it to end in STI infections. So get yourself checked out regularly at the health clinic for STIs, and only say ‘yes’ to sex with someone who is committed to your well-being enough to practice safe sex!
Tip No. 2 Make sure that you keep your sex toys clean. Wash them with soap and water after you use them. If you are using toys with more than one partner then put a new condom on every time you use them. In terms of storage, keep them in a clean cloth and somewhere not too dusty….and make sure you rinse them before you use them. In tropical African climates they can get as dirty as everything else in your bedroom- so do yourself and your womxn a favour! And on that note, keep yourself clean too….(basic water and soap sisters, please no Dettol or douching….!)
Tip No.3.Make sure you have safe oral sex. Yup, oral sex also has its downsides (mmm…not just all wetness and moans!). A lot of STIs can be transmitted from mouth to vagina and vice versa, so if she is a new love or a casual acquaintance, play it safe! I have never seen a dental dam on sale in any African country- including South Africa. But you don’t need one. You can use a square of good old kitchen cling film. Put some water-based lube on one side so she doesn’t get cling film burn, lay the lubricated side over her vagina or her anus if you are rimming…(well some people love it!) and let your tongue do the rest! If you or your partner have obvious wounds or cuts in your mouth, then think about other ways of making love, like fingering, rubbing and using sex toys, until the cuts are healed.
Tip No. 4. Play it safe when you are kissing each other’s lips…no, not those lips, I mean the other lips! This one is a bit trickier, but you can try using the ‘do it yourself’ cling film dental dam.
Tip No.5. Wear latex gloves when you go inside. Use latex gloves with water-based lubricant on them if you are fingering or fisting your womxn, especially with a casual partner.
Tip No.6. Live positively. There are quite a number of lesbians and womxn who have sex with womxn who are HIV+. If you also have sex with men then make sure you take the precautions and get tested regularly for HIV. And if you or your partner are HIV+ then be open with each other, eat well, take care of each other, take your meds if you are on them- and practice safe sex! HIV+ womxn are susceptible to other STIs which can affect your health, particularly if your immune system is already suppressed. Play it safe, and enjoy!
So let it flow sisters, and remember- safe sex is hot sex.